Am I allowed to want more than just survival?
From the Sunday Self-Care Chronicles | 2/1/26
This week’s issue explores what happens when survival is treated as the finish line — and what gets lost when quality of life is left out of the conversation.
This week’s issue touches on:
✨ The unspoken pressure to be “grateful enough”
✨ How breast cancer impacts intimacy and body trust
✨ Why wanting more than survival is not selfish — it’s human
Read the full email below - and if something speaks to you please feel free to comment, share, or reach out!
Hi sweet friend.
Lately, I feel like I’m hearing some version of this question again and again:
“Am I allowed to want more than just survival?”
It shows up in lots of different ways.
“I’m not really happy with my implants. They’re different sizes, and the non-cancer side is so loose that the implant flips all the time. My doctor says it’s no big deal. Am I allowed to want to feel good in my breasts and not just… meh? I don’t want to seem ungrateful.”
“I still have pain and tightness on my cancer side, and my range of motion isn’t the same. I know it could be worse, but it makes everyday things harder than they used to be—and that’s frustrating. I did physical therapy, but they dismissed me and said I could continue on my own. I guess this is as good as it’s going to get.”
“I didn’t know radiation would make my breast so tight. I thought a lumpectomy meant things would look and feel mostly the same, but now there’s a huge difference. A friend told me I should just be glad I didn’t need chemo. I guess she’s right… but it’s still hard to live in this changed body when everyone around me thinks I’m fine.”
Different circumstances. Same underlying question.
So many people feel like they are not allowed to want more than the fact that cancer didn’t take their life.
When you were newly diagnosed, chances are all you could think about was having more time.
More time with your partner, your kids, your family.
More time to do work you love.
More time to travel, to have adventures, to watch your kids grow up.
More time to make a difference in this world.
But here’s the thing: none of that is actually about more time.
It’s about how that time is lived.
And whether it’s enjoyed.
Quality of life is not a “nice to have” after a breast cancer diagnosis and treatment.
And one of the biggest places quality of life gets quietly compromised—often minimized or brushed aside—is sex and intimacy.
For me, this has been one of the hardest parts of survivorship… and the one I was least prepared for.
Because of my hormone-positive breast cancer and BRCA1+ status, I chose surgical menopause.
I knew hot flashes and mood swings were likely.
What no one talked about were the changes to my vaginal and sexual health that hit me like a freight train.
Within six weeks of my partial hysterectomy, my body had changed in ways I didn’t recognize.
A few weeks later, when I raised concerns, I was essentially told there were bigger things to worry about—like starting chemo.
No one ever made me feel like I was allowed to want more than just survival—either for myself as a sexual being or for my relationship with my husband.
It took me years to give myself permission to seek support in this area.
Years to decide that I deserved more than:
stiff joints and fatigue
constant anxiety about recurrence
and gratitude alone
I deserved pleasure.
I deserved arousal.
I deserved intimacy.
I’ve been incredibly lucky to have a friend in cancer land who understands this part of the experience.
But I know that many people don’t.
And that’s why I want you to know this: You are not alone.
My dear friend April Stearns of Wildfire Journal & Writing Community and I have just finished recording a workshop we first offered two years ago, and we’re so excited to bring it back.
In the next couple of weeks, we’ll be releasing a self-paced, pre-recorded version of The Intimate Self: Self-Care, Sex & Intimacy (After a Breast Cancer Diagnosis).
If this is something you’re curious about—or something you’ve been quietly wondering about—you can click here to be the first to know when details are released.
And if you joined us for the original live workshop, I want you to know this is fully updated with new stories, reflections, and resources.
Our lives—and our relationships with our bodies—have continued to evolve, and we’re honored to share that honestly with you.
Whether you’re just beginning to explore this part of yourself, or you’re already somewhere along the way, our hope is simple:
That you remember you deserve so much more than just survival.
Until next week friend, I'm always in this with you.
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