Healing Isn't Linear (A Lesson From a Sleepless Night in Paris)
From the Sunday Self-Care Chronicles | 5/17/26
Hey friend.
I skipped last week's email.
Not because I wasn't thinking of you, or because I was too busy eating pasta and drinking wine, but because I was recovering.
Last Friday night I was wrapping up a week of working in and exploring Paris (more on that to come!) and in anticipation of an early flight out to Sardinia on Saturday morning, I ended up staying awake all night.
I didn't mean to. I just wasn't tired.
And by the time I packed and got in bed and scrolled because my brain was wired and then as it got later and I worried about waking up to the four alarms I had set (I'm a serious night owl but NOT a morning person at all), I just ended up… up.
2:00am came, and then 3am and then 4am and then I was turning off my alarm right before it went off at 4:30 and somehow I realized I had stayed awake all night.
Though I dozed on the relatively short flight AND took a long nap that afternoon after reconnecting with my husband, AND slept the entire night through, I didn't bounce back as I expected.
And this same thing actually happened on the way over back in April.
Normally I can sleep pretty well on an airplane but on the way to Italy this spring I just couldn't. Not with my seat all the way back, not with an eye mask, not with a couple of glasses of wine. I was awake for over 24 hours.
And my body simply will not tolerate this anymore.
What I've realized is missing one full night of sleep – even a handful of hours in a normal rhythm – completely ruins me for days to come.
Perhaps it's my age and stage of life.
Perhaps I'm just not pushing myself as hard as I used to.
Whatever the reason, it got me thinking about recovery and everything we go through with breast cancer treatment.
So many people come through treatment expecting to “bounce back” when it's done.
The medical system primes you to believe it's going to be a really shitty time while you're going through surgery and chemo and radiation or whatever combination you have but then you get to move on with life.
But I think it's a really inaccurate and frankly unfair expectation.
Our bodies work so hard for us all the time and are constantly being pushed and pulled out of balance even with the simple daily stressors of life.
So how is it that when we go through something more extreme – whether it's a short period of sleep deprivation or the extensive physical, mental, and emotional roller coaster of a cancer diagnosis and treatment – we believe that it should take less time to recover and restore ourselves?
And when we do start to feel better – to have more energy, to not need that extra nap, to believe we are turning the corner – we are surprised when something interrupts and we once again are set back slightly before making more forward progress.
My point is that healing isn't linear and recovery is not “tit for tat.”
One hour of lost sleep doesn't mean one hour of extra sleep negates it.
An entire year of physical, mental, and emotional trauma navigating the acute phase of a breast cancer experience doesn't just resolve in a few weeks, months, or sometimes even a few years.
It's sort of like grades in school.
Maintaining a good GPA is easy when everything starts out going well. But as soon as you have one rough semester, or even one bad class, it can take two or three times as long to bring your average back up to where it was.
Recovery works the same way.
So be kind on yourself.
Take the time and space to rest, to recoup, and let your body know that you understand what it's been through and what it needs.
And if that means skipping a week, or delaying a deadline, or letting those around you know you still need more time to be “fine" – then do it with the knowledge that it's ok to honor where you are instead of pushing through to where you think you need to be.
Next week I hope to share what I was working on in Paris and the bold step I took towards making my upcoming self-care program – As You Are Now – not only a source of education but a space of true connection and safety as well.
Sleepy but still, always in this with you.
Love, Amy
PS: If you've been here a while and haven't grabbed The Survivorship Starting Point — this is a good week for it. It’s free, it's yours to move through at your own pace, and it's where everything I'm building with the As You Are Now self-care program begins. Consider it the starting line in your self-care toolbox.